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Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
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12:43 pm
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| Saturday, January 31st, 2004
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11:27 am - hello
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i have been so stressed out lately, especially the last weeks with exams, and we pages.
I would really like to shoot myself.
I need to send Chantelles app. today.
ooh and charlie boochie is here :D
i will update later
current mood:  aggravated
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| Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
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8:28 pm - stuff ish
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1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.
01. I have have brown hair
02. I have a crush on Trent Lane
03. I wish i was at Mount Royal
04. I like to get things done before they're due.
05. I dislike public computer labs.
06. I have this bad habit of saying "exactly"
07. I hate teenage movies
08. My favourite colour is pink.
09. My family are about the only ones who 'get me'
10. I like the backstreet boys
11. I HATE HARRY POTTER
12. I love my nova (73).
13. I have waxed some parts of my body.
14. I am quite happy
15. I'm the shiznit when I fight.
16. I dislike living with others
17. I dislike anime
18. I wish i could go to Europe
19. I need to loose weight
20. I like getting mail
21. I like homeless people
22. I think the music genre you listen to tends to speak volumes. Even though, I hate creating genre's for music...
23. I had a pen pal.
24. I hate people who thinmk they are hardcore (ie. I AM PUNK listen to blink 182, and i love heavy metal i listen to linkin park ect)
25. I HATE MATH
26. I love the symphany and plays
27. I love music that is no corrupted by the main stream
28. I LOVE Jhonen Vasquez and Roman Dirge and Mark Ryden
29. I will be 18 in 100 days
30. I like to hug
31. I love to smile
32. I hate sports
33. I think that Antonio Banderas is not hot.
34. I love a clean room.
35. Johnny Depp = GOOOOOOOOOOOD
36. I love Tom Waits, NIN and Nick Cave
37. I love autumn
38. i have black nails
39. my REAl hero is my mother
40. I call everyone hun
41. I like to dance
42. I think that parents are misunderstood.
43. I wish I had a laptop.
44. I love to paint.
45. I do not like the taste of meat
46. I love the arts
47. I have made web pages before.
48. I dislike smalltalk.
49. I like pasta.
50. My favorite smell is raspberry
51. I am not a packrat; I throw things away.
52. I like grey skies better then blue ones
53. I like the smell of mowed grass and rain.
54. I use metaphores and personification on a regular basis
55. I can't stand stupidity
56. I hate the computer right now
57. I can never find the right words
58. I've never had braces.
59. I like all kinds of music
60. I hate guys who flirt
61. I like electic music.
62. I love my friends
63. Hitler is not interpreted right.
64. I like all colors.
65. My favorite drink is raspberry.
66. I HATE THE RESTURAUNT BUSINESS.
67. I like edward gorey and dante
68. I hate gold jewelery.
69. i love mocha.
70. My feet get cold easily.
71. I do enjoy being a little odd
72. I like to anylize things
73. I'm online too much
74. I want to travel EVERYWHERE.
75. people have to forget about comformity
76. I want to be in a tropical country
77. I have an ex-b/f from TX
78. I agree with whoever said "cellar door" is the most beautiful combination of words in the english language.
79. I do not know Spanglish.
80. I like the beach.
81. I like the mountains
82. I want to jump in a pile of leaves
83. I've never done drugs.
84. I don't have a university degree (not yet)
85. I wish i was a few years older, so i could have been out of here
86. I AM CANADIAN
87. I am too serious most of the time.
88. There is a way to tie everything to psychology.
89. There is something else I should be doing rather than this.
90. I believe in spirituality
91. I have 3 kitties
92. I like to be alone or around people like me
93. I LOVE grey sweaters
94. I am not into video games.
95. I am reminded of a situation for every song i hear.
96. I want to have a tattoo one day.
97. I like to dress up like a biblical character
98. I LOVE black clothes
99. I like sleep. ALOT
100. I should finnish my social
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| Friday, December 12th, 2003
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11:53 pm
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so sorry I have not been around, homework and all, I want to scream. I write in twisted mirror a lot more, I shall write later chow
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| Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
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10:56 pm
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>.< I am updating finally ta da. all I have been doing as of late is working on my homework, and taking care of Doom. Doom broke his leg awhile back and the vet put a cast on it, they took it off the other day and under the cast his leg had been rotting. so I have to give him pills and ointment and help him feel better. poor kitty, he has to wear a cone and everything. He also has to stay in a crate. Gloom and nemo got neutered and they are feminine cats now hee hee. My grades are not that great but I think next year to start off with I will go to a small collage in Calgary so that I will settle in before going to U of C, unless of coarse I get accepted. but I guess we will see what June brings. I can not take Doom with me when I leave so I guess I will take Gloom. it's insane because math is my biggest fear , I have no clue how I am ever going to pass that diploma exam.
My buddies here are fighting so I am torn, I try to let it go. I don't write poetry anymore, I am too busy I hate that. Kevin has himself a Galfriend. good for him, even if I had an opportunity with you know who, I would turn it down, I would not have a spare moment to give him. and I wish that sleep came more often thank god for weekends, now only 1 more month until Christmas things are going to be insane. I am baking for all me buddies this year. all I want is to be caught up in German, I CAN DREAM..................
*gasps for air*
let me see what else?
I miss everyone so so so much I am going to send mail who wants mail?!
Leave your name and number after the beep and leave a few good songs for me to download, tell me how much you love/miss me.
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10:54 pm
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| Sunday, November 9th, 2003
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8:19 pm
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Matthew Jay
10 Oct 1978 - 24 September 2003
(Track #3) You're Not Here
Waiting for a bus that won't come to pick me up
I could think of you while I stand here turning blue
Even though it's cold, it won't snow or so I'm told
I'm not sure that's true, but she sounded like she knew
You're not here
That's the reason I'm low
Today and the rest of the time when you're gone
Oh no! I can't picture your face
How soon 'till I'm with you again?
Payphone starts to ring, I pick up and someone sings
I don't know the song and I hang up before long
You're not here
That's the reason I'm low
Today and the rest of the time when you're gone
Oh no! I can't picture your face
How soon 'till I'm with you again?
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8:03 pm - hello
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sorry I have been away so much, I am off meds for the moment and it is messing with my mind, and between having a social life and doing all my homework I hardly have time to breathe. I am very disturbed by the passing of Matthew Jay in September, it has been on my mind. any way my friends were in a horrid accident and my 3 good friends were not injured but the 2 gals with them were, so that is a big thing. right after listening to this inspirational guy Jade bell
http://www.jadebell.com
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| Sunday, August 24th, 2003
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11:44 pm
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//..you can never know anyone else..\\
I never used to be able to understand that fully but looking back at photographs that I was never in. I think I have come to an understanding of sorts. I do not know my best friend/my mother, or what she stands for or even who she is. she doesn’t know me. I love her. It’s all a memory I never had. I need some canvases so I can paint and can draw back from the world. I have put myself out there for much too long, and having a life as they say is great but it makes me so uncomfortable. I love getting absorbed in books and drawings, paintings and movies. I know there is more to the world then the sweet security of a book, but I do not have a video camera. What I see I store away in my mind, hoping one day it will become useful. Right now I am so lost I do not want to sleep I do not want to watch TV I do not want to hang out or be online…I just want to exist. I want to go somewhere and sit alone with my thoughts and write them all down like lyrics. It eats away at me and I can not wait to get out of this town this place this life. The sky looked like it was on fire today. The clouds were a slate blue and the edge was pink followed by red orange then yellow I was driving home and I had to pull over to watch it. Some things in life….the only real beauty is painted by nature and the universe where everything subconsciously co-exists.
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| Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
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10:22 pm - hmn inferno
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i am sorry i do not use this journal much anymore but i use twistedmirror alot. bleh i love this journal though *clings* it has served me so well : ) anyway and update on my life and current events, i passed my license so I can drive now leagally . my car is in need of repare though mom broke the exaust system i dunno how she managed that. i saw pirated of the caribbean and loved it but how can you not love mr.depp. anyway thats all now i am super sleepy.
current mood:  sleepy
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| Friday, July 25th, 2003
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2:51 am
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dammit EVERYONE who reads this click here
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| Saturday, June 7th, 2003
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3:53 pm
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if your interested i write in twistedmirror way more then in here
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| Wednesday, May 14th, 2003
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11:19 pm
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i am sorry i really need to update more, nothing too much is happening in my life.. I am just studying and such, sleepy i may have mono, whoo hoo fun :/ i am workinga lot this summer so i will be around to talk about my interesting life alot; my car is almost paid off, and tomorrow i am going for my drivers. all sumed up nicely. now expect to hear from me again in a month hehehe i will try to update sooner, but my brain is mush
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| Tuesday, March 25th, 2003
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7:14 pm
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| Tuesday, March 11th, 2003
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9:13 am
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im open to any offers of killing me, my car? anyone?
I HATE THIS >.<
its a bad day and its only 9:13 o.0
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| Wednesday, March 5th, 2003
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11:23 pm
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10:36 pm
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sorry i am grounded for 2 weeks off the net, be patient with me. my sergery went well. you all have my best wishes
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| Tuesday, February 11th, 2003
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7:58 pm
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7:56 pm
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no one reads in here anyway, but my efforts have had little motivation when attempting to actually sit down and write an entry, i am a ver busy person, between school, distance ed, working at home nad school, putting togeather sketches, worry about marks and trivers training, but this is of little or no importance. i feel terrible. i am growing so far away from everyone. yet in a way this is remarkable, i love being a 'loner' just keeping a distance and watching. sure i have 'friends' here; and for some strange reason i am considered popular..and if i had it my way i would sit in the corner and paint; having nothing to do with the rest of the world. I tend to get along better with inatamite objects, they are not as shallow as people it seems...hmn it seems my life has taken a turn for the better in all of this, really....I'm mot sure how much my heart hurts anymore, at times the brusing doesnt even hurt.
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| Friday, January 31st, 2003
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12:09 am - lieben
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I feel numb..this is the long post, please read my insane ramblings and my views on life... first off my cat sir doom a lot is being incredibly annoying, he will not stop mrewing and when he does this act it sounds as if something is being tortured in the fiery pits of icily poking goodness, which is why the name doom suits him so well I guess -.- le sigh. I have decided that perhaps maybe I should start writing my feelings down more...my life is a book, I swear it, a book that I write everyday in my mind, I lay it all out be it in verse or in prose, I think about it constantly and can not stop analyzing things, then I forget and the same issue arises and I analyze it all over again. hmn stepping off the topic for a moment I saw in my rolling stone issue that one in 1991 had a cover of sir Johnny depp and articles about nick cave and the bas seeds, I wanted to cry. grrr missing out on yummy things. hmn back to topic I think the reason I do not write things down is because I am lazy or else just forgetful and perhaps a combination? I still haven't mastered how to put it all into words, or even figured it all out yet, it is exhausting. I am getting obsessed with art and writing and projects involving, it is making me sick, I have indulged in this pleasure for days, staying up until all hours finishing my masterpieces that I will not even keep. how insane I must be. I have felt extremely odd the last few days...this is due to my losing my medication and because my aunt died a few days ago. hmn (twitch twitch) I am very irritable and my cat if it doesn’t stop mewing will end up a version of one of Lenore’s cats!
My thoughts all blurry muttled and I feel delusional...I hate being a messenger.
The concert was one of the best nights of my life, I adore Raine. He is a creative genius, and the most beautiful person in this whole world..he makes me feel googly inside..he is everything I want to be... he made me cry at the concert..i will state the day...January 27 2003..woke up and went to Lacys at 8:30 , Charlie was there also we did our makeup and hair and then went out to lunch, mom came and picked us up then she dropped us off on Whyte Ave. I went to the comic book store and bought 9 comics for $56...Lenore, Johnny, and squee...I also bought a maxx comic. Then to the sanctuary, I bought nail polish and spikes and a wrist spike thingy. Went to the book store and bought a bible, then to Mars and Venus where I got 2 more wrist collars, and a ruby gloom t-shirt.we went for supper then for a ride in a taxi, with an asshole driver, then to the LRT. We got to the concert at 6:30 and waited an hour for it to start I read my comics and some cute guy was asking Charlie and Lacy about me hehe..anyway then the show started Seether was first then finger 11 (the one guy did a cute dance the whole time it was really funny) then..then...George from much music came out 0.0 he was there!!!! I was a very happy camper. Then the trailer park boys came on, they split up the crown and made one side say 'drunk' and the other 'bastard' then they made us say 'randy sucks' and 'cheeseburgers'. so that was...erm...interesting. OLP is doing a DVD of this tour and picked Calgary and Edmonton to do it in, and they are the only 2 cities ;) so the lights dimmed...and there he was, an image of perfection ..Mike Madia. his voice rang like a perfect light I was enlightened ; in paradise; my nirvana. He took out this spotlight and sang that he wanted to see us, [the crowd] and the tone of his voice melted me, he sounds like the stars. I wanted to cry. He came into the crowd, at least 4 times, unfortunately the only time he was near me was when he was leaving....he hugged people and sang, goodness....my heart skipped a beat....he fell when he sang one man arms, into the crowd. saluted when he said marching.. He told us to give the finger when he sang "give them the finger" ..hmn he did Chris Benoits theme song "whatever" the crowd went wild because Chris is from Edmonton... he did a commentary on that, and all his other songs, he explained them in his words the way he wrote them and why, I loved bring back the sun, it made me think of bubble; I am filled with sadness; amazement; and wonder. I love his mind. I love people like him. I hate people who go to that concert and don’t feel it you know? they go because it is a concert a show and they semi like the band...I admire them so much, I feel it so deep. hmn sorry about going on like this it is just that in this insane past year this is the first thing to get me so excited and happy, it is almost as if the concert made my heart beat again and I feel ....that's just it...I am feeling again...like I can finally breathe. hmn I got home that night at 2:30, and it is just amazing, I hade a math final yesterday it went ok, and a physics final today, I think I failed boooo on physics.
anyway I will update again later. buh bye
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